She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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