What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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