There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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