Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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