ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize