it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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