would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
