Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
