and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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