You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
