I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
