Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am available for nakedness
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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