Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
