I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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