If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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