I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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