I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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