I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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