I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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