there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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