Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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