lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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