ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How's work?
Spinning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She bit a glass in half.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
