My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize