I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
