i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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