I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want a musical about memes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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