So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
