Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize