I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
