:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
