Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
