is wine microwaveable?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
