Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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