dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
