My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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