I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize