Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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