I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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