You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
