you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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