it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
