no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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