Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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