whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize