did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
