I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
