just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
