i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just had sex on a roof
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
