just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
