Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
