yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
