Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
