you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
