Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize