Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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