this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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