I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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