Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
