and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
