he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize