I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
