so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
