his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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