i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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