a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm at about main and main street
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
