The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize