I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
