What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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