Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
