Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
