Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
