Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
