Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
