It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize