i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
