You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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