even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
