We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize