Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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