god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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