Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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