She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
