haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
