Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
