I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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