She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
