It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i've created a new STD.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
