Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
