Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
