Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
