I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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