So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
