last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
