quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
