Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
