Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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