He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
