We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
