How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
